What if you don't immediately fall in love with your newborn?

The Myth and Reality of Love at First Sight

The notion that every woman falls in love with her newborn baby the moment they meet eyes in the delivery room has been immortalized in films and television ads, parenting magazines, and marketing efforts for everything from diapers to bottles to baby soap.

But, when it comes to giving birth, do all moms experience "love at first sight"? Perhaps...but perhaps not. Endorphins are released by your body during labor and delivery to assist you cope with the physical discomfort. Endorphins frequently contribute to a euphoric high, increasing the mother-baby relationship shortly after birth.

Many women, on the other hand, do not experience euphoria and instead experience a deep sense of grief once the endorphins have worn off.

Sadness, mood fluctuations, and bad sensations brought on by a decline in endorphins are frequent in new moms: 70 to 80 percent of them experience "the newborn blues" according to The American Pregnancy Association.

Within a week or two of giving birth, the baby blues normally pass. These sensations, however, may contribute to the development of postpartum depression in the weeks following delivery for a tiny percentage of moms.

Why You Might Not Fall in Love Immediately

Many ladies fall in love with their new baby the second they see him or her. That fresh infant fragrance, those eyes, that wrinkled skin!

But let's face it: giving birth is a big deal. It's a physical and emotional marathon that's typically painful, perplexing, and frightening, no matter how it happens. Furthermore, it is genuinely life-changing. If you train for a marathon for nine months and then run it, you get to celebrate your victory as virtually the same person at the finish line (albeit a tired and sore version of yourself).

But what about childbirth? When you cross the finish line, you're a completely new person. Physical tiredness and suffering coexist with the emotional turmoil of bringing a new life into the world for which you are solely responsible.

Some women have difficult deliveries, birth plans that go astray, or breastfeeding experiences that are frustrating. Many women experience anxiety and despair after giving birth. It's a lot to deal with, and it can all have an impact on your connection with your child.

It's not that you're a bad mother if you don't fall in love with your baby immediately away; it's just that you're a person who needs time to adjust to the big changes that have just occurred in your life.

Why Is Coping So Difficult?

New moms are bombarded with messages about how we're "supposed" to feel after our infants are born everywhere they go.

You're walking through the grocery store with your new baby when a stranger smiles at you and asks, "Isn't it amazing?" You immediately fall in love!"

When your mother-in-law pays you a postpartum visit, she regales you with anecdotes about how much she cherished your husband when he was a baby. "I couldn't take my eyes off him!" she exclaims.

You even do it to yourself: every time you change, bathe, or feed your baby, a running monologue in your head tells you that you should be in love, that every time you look at your child, you should feel something tremendously powerful.

However, while you'll most certainly have a primordial, "hands-off my kid or I'll murder you" kind of love for your child, the Hallmark-style, googly-eyed, rainbows and butterflies, "I'm so over the moon" love that everyone talks about between a mother and her child can take time to grow and develop. Even if most people don't accept it, this is quite natural.

How to Handle It

We guarantee that you will fall madly in love with your baby within the first few weeks or months of their life. Because each mother and baby's chronology is unique, there is no formula for determining when. But that will take place.

While you wait for that head-over-heels feeling to set in, there are certain things you can do to enhance your bond with your kid in the meantime:

Make frequent skin-to-skin contact. This is also known as "kangaroo care," and it has been shown to have numerous health benefits for both mom and baby, including reduced stress hormones and improved bonding. Undress your baby down to their diaper and place them on your bare stomach or chest (this is a fantastic time to do this shortly after breastfeeding!). Closeness will assist you and your partner feel more in sync, which can lead to strong feelings of affection and loyalty.

Establish eye contact. Although a baby's vision does not sharpen until around three months of age, most babies like looking at people up close even in their early weeks. Look into your baby's eyes and see if you can maintain eye contact for a few seconds while holding them in your arms. Some studies believe that synchronizing your brainwaves with your baby's can help you communicate and learn better later. 2 Create a unique routine. Having a routine exclusive to your relationship with your kid, such as singing a song during diaper changes or breastfeeding in the same chair, ensures that there is always something shared exclusively between you and your baby.

It may also be beneficial to keep a few mantras or slogans in the back of your mind for when well-meaning friends and relatives inquire about your new baby's bond, or when you begin to doubt yourself.

Try responding with a nonchalant, "We're getting to know each other!" when someone asks, "Aren't you just so in love?" If you observe another new mother admiring her child, fight the need to compare yourself to her. If you find yourself criticizing yourself for not experiencing a deep bond with your infant straight away, remember that all relationships take time, including the mother-baby relationship.

Finally, if you can, find a trusted friend who won't judge you for how you're feeling, which is perfectly natural and reasonable. "I love my baby, but I'm having difficulties actually connecting," you can say. More mothers than you might imagine have been there and will gladly reassure you that it's just a phase.

IMAMOM2BE's Comments

Many mothers report not bonding with their newborns or "falling in love at first sight." Instead of judging yourself, remember that it's totally normal to take time to adjust to all of the changes in your life. Work on developing a strong bond with your kid and finding a friend who can function as a confidante as your relationship develops.